Liars, loyalty and Family Values

So okay. I'm a huge fan of JoeyBlondeWolf2 on YouTube have been since 4 years ago. Recently he came out with two videos about your family member saying they accept who you are and lying about it and also being told by your family that you can't talk about "certain things" because it may make them look bad or maybe thought as inappropriate.

I'm writing this because from my own experience I know how badly this hurts. Luckily for joey the family member he talked about was his Uncle. Mine is my mom.

Okay, to start this off and make this easy let me tell you a little about myself. My name is Kait. I'm 19 years old and have been aware that I like the same sex for the past six years (that's right since I was 13). I ended up being forced to coming out to my mother when I was 15 because she read my journal. At the time I told her I was confused and that I knew i definitely like girls, and her reaction to me was perfect she told me that she loved me no matter what and that she always will and that I was perfectly normal. She told me everything I wanted to hear.

My dad on the other hand had a different reaction. When he found out about me, I was at school and he had came in to give the school a check for my dance uniform (because it was mandatory that girls took dance in my old school). He saw me standing in the hall holding my girlfriends hand and stormed up to us and practically started to screech at me about "how inapporpriate you are?!" and "You disgust me!" and "Just wait till you get home!" So I didn't go home... I went to my friends house and he found me. We were walking up the street from her house and he came up behind me in the car blaring his horn. he pulled up to the side of the road, jumped out of his car, grabbed me by my shirt, through me into the backseat, drove half way down the road pulled over and started to hit me. He called me stupid and said that "no daughter of his was going to be a dyke." and that i was "only pretending to be gay because its cool." He then grounded me for a whole year and bolted my window shut. I was told never to speak to my girlfriend again and if I did I would be in more trouble.

But later that next summer when i was ungrounded I sat down and talked with my dad. He told me how terrible he felt about what happened and that he loved me and was coming to terms with it. I gave him a huge hug. I was so happy to hear that. He then asked "So when do i get to meet your girlfriends?" and I laughed and I'm like "Dad, one step at a time."

He loves me and excepts me now and my step dad is the same way. But something changed in my mother. After moving back to New York to live with her and my step-dad I didn't want to make a big fuss about it because it was a much smaller town then Pasadena. But I confided in one of my cousins that was staying with us that I am a lesbian, and although she told me it was okay, she went around my back and told my mom she didn't feel comfortable sleeping in the same room with me anymore. I hurt 1. because I had confided in her and 2. because my mothers attitude about me was completely flipped. her exact words were "Well I thought it was a phase but i guess i was really really wrong." it crushed me and for the rest of the duration of my cousins stay I was forced to sleep on the couch in the living room while she got my room.

Now every time there's anything remotely about gay people on TV, she changes the channel. If there's a topic on the radio about gays, she changes the station. If her friends start talking about this one gay niece or nephew they have and I'm within ear-shot, she changes the subject. She even refused to watch American idol with me because I'm a fan of Adam Lambert.

Although it's not as drastic anymore she still tells me not to touch my girlfriend in public, not to tell my little brothers, not to talk about it at family events even if I'm asked. All because it will make her look bad.

She even told me not to tell my collage roommates cause it will cause me "problems."

I wish it was better between us. It's like everything I do goes back to me being gay. Being Vegetarian, being an anime addict, loving tattoo artistry. I can't even watch wedding shows or baby shows with out her mentioning how it's NEVER gonna happen.

I hope this all changes back to how she said she was gonna be. But I guess all i can do is hope.

I want to thank Joey for all of his videos and words of "rainbow wisdom" lol. XD There like cheap therapy.

Joey if your reading this Thank you! You give me hope! :)